Archive for the ‘Link Bait’ Category

Quoth The Server – A Poem by Edgar Allen Zilla

Once upon a Google query, while I web searched, on a theory,
That page seven supplemental might have what I was looking for,
My computer started yapping, that a virus needed trapping,
And that threat – it needed zapping, zapping now: “Proceed / Ignore?”
“Fucking Advert,” this I muttered, as I promptly clicked “Ignore”-
‘Twas a popup, nothing more,

Ah, distinctly I remember, I was searching for a Kender,
With the keyword “gender-bender” amidst the Net’s forgotten lore,
Short and surly I require to satisfy my strange desire,
That’s why nothing gets me higher than a tranny midget whore,
Judge me no less a person; I’d love a tranny midget whore,
‘Tis a fetish, nothing more.

With my Facebook status stating that “I’m going roller–skating,”
‘Til I’m done with masturbating, interruptions I’d deplore,
Leaning forward I was perching on my chair where I was lurching,
Through the SERPs that I was searching, searching deeper than before,
What precious prize did I discover searching deeper than before?
Only spam and nothing more,

Apt results were sorely lacking, Eric Schmit I felt like smacking,
Else how can I start my whacking? tell me – tell me, I implore!
Searching deeper then I stumbled, ‘pon a title slightly jumbled,
Then my mouse I faintly fumbled, when I gazed “Kender hardcore”,
Videos of what I wanted as I clicked “Kender hardcore”?
‘Twas just text and nothing more.

Google’s SERPs were damned disjointed, so I pondered, disappointed,
Until Bing was thus anointed to help me find what I adore,
My initial query haltered, though I only slightly faltered,
SafeSearch settings must be altered, altered for a midget whore,
With that final hurdle hurdled I search for shemale midget whore,
This I sought and nothing more.

Beholding what Bing had vaunted, it still wasn’t what I wanted,
Yet I still endured undaunted – pages two, then three, then four,
Then my cursor coyly hovered ‘cross a website I discovered,
There I thought I had uncovered, uncovered her: my next amour,
Beguiled by a beautiful thumbnail bound to be my next amour.
How I wanted nothing more,

That tiny pic was such a splendor it portrayed a carnal Kender,
With a link that read: transgender movie click here to see more,
But while the website tout a token, that most crucial link was broken!
‘Twas about to start my stroken but the page was there no more,
The link worded what I wanted but the page was there no more,
Quoth the server, `404.’

Foiled heart was slowly sinking; what was that webmaster thinking?
Was it simply sloppy linking to a gender bender whore?
So I probed some permutation of that URL’s location,
Thus I strained imagination to morph that message from before,
Oh, how I sighed for something sweeter than that message from before,
Quoth the server, `404.’

“The URL you requested can not be found” so I tested,
What my inner muse suggested by subbing dash for underscore,
On a mission proud and pressing keyboard buttons toward accessing,
Where I could enjoy crossdressing and shemale midget sex galore,
Thusly I dared the devil show me shemale midget sex galore,
Quoth the server, `404.’

Such a callous cold rejection quickly killing my erection,
And the depth of my dejection – little relevancy bore,
Nothing more infuriating and I couldn’t help but hating,
The knave guilty of creating that vile error I deplore,
What base and banal geek bestowed that vile error I deplore,
With such name as `404′?
____________________
Legend has it that Edgar Allen Zilla is a direct desendent of Sun Zilla.

How to Build Link Pyramids

Yesterday, we discussed two of ways you can use bursts of spammy links to help you make money. But just because you have the ability to spam thousands of links a day to a single page doesn’t mean it’s the most effective use of the tool.

What if I told you there is a way to launder those spammy links; a way to sift out the negative Google Karma to leave you with pure Link juice that Google uses to rank. Would you be Interested?

If so, then you’re gonna want to know about:

Link Pyramids

Among of The Great Wonders of the Web are Link Pyramids. These majestic towers of ranking excellence are built on the backs of spammy links just like the Ancient Pyramids were built by slaves. Today we’re going to define what Link Pyramids are, why they work so well and what they look like. Later this month we’ll get into the nitty gritty on building them.

The Idea behind the Link Pyramid is that while link juice can pass from one site to the next, ranking penalties generally stop after one hop. It works on the premise that the lowest quality sites link upwards to the next higher quality sites in your network. Sites can link laterally and upwards but not downwards.

So here’s what the pyramid looks like . . .

[I started making a graphic of a Pyramid, but honesty, I just can’t be bothered. You know what a fucking pyramid graphic looks like – right? Great! Moving on . . .]

The Bottom

At the bottom of the Pyramid sits a network of sites you created on free blog host or Squido, or anywhere you can get web space for free. These sites should not have ads on them. These sites will link to random other quality sites on the web and to your 2nd level sites. You will experiment with how few links you can spam to these sites to get them to acquire link juice vs. how many you can spam to them before they get banned. If you are not selling anything on these sites there is more leeway. The only type of links you are sending to these sites are those free spammy links from link software.

2nd Level of Pyramid

Then we have your 2nd level of the Link Pyramid. This is where you put your domain portfolio to work. This network of sites is distributed across cheep shared hosting accounts. The more shared hosting accounts you have for this purpose, the smaller your footprint will be. Hosting is really cheep these days, and you’ll probably be spending more each year on domain renewals than you will be on shared hosting.

This 2nd level of sites will get links from the bottom level of sites, but never link back down to them. These sites can still receive spammy links but tread lighter: you don’t want your account getting banned with the shared host. Buying cheap links to these sites also helps the network grow. Directory submission and press release type links are good to go at this level, as is moderate monitization. The Primary purpose of these sites is to build a link farm to link to the Golden Crest of your link Pyramid.

The Golden Crest

Here we have the sites that are ready for prime time. They have fantastic designs and flow. They are your niche authority sites. Their links come from Level 2 of the pyramid, link buys, link bait, and manual, targeted Link spamming. The Golden crest can make money, but the real purpose of these sites is to link to the Top of your pyramid.

The Top

At the Top of the Pyramid is the Target site: That’s the pristine white hat looking site that you want to present to your customers and to rank in the search engines. This site has the bulk of your editorial content: you’re link bait. This site is an e-commerce site that is designed to make money. This is the site you’re paying bloggers and reviewers to link to. You’re only purchasing the highest quality links to this site and your link Ninjas are securing only the best quality links. This is the site that is optimized for the keywords you know make money. This is your money site.

Make sure to have every level of your site link to sites outside of your network and for fuck’s sake:

DO NOT INTERLINK YOUR ENTIRE NETWORK!!!

If you’re gonna do that, you might as well fill out a spam report on yourself with a list of all your sites and submit it to Google. Along similar lines, don’t use any of Google Products for these sites (like analytics, or Adsense, or Adwords . . . or even surfing to them with a Google Toolbar installed or Google Chrome) with the possible exception of the site at the top of your Pyramid.

I’m sure some of you have some questions. Fire away if you do: this way I have more shit to blog about.

To Make a Fortune (Cookie). . .

You lazy bastard, Get back to work! Fortune Cookie.

Want a link?

1. Download the blank,
2. Write in your own clever comment
3. Post it on your blog.

Then let me know about it (comment, trackback, contact form).

I’ll link up all the best ones later this week.

Sexy Mac Book Pros

By now you must have seen a few Apple reviews that are so gushing that they almost cross the line to pornographic:

“When Apple Rules The World – What does it mean when you really, really want to lick a new MacBook Pro, and swoon?”

Are these reviewers so taken by the beauty and power of the machine that the reviews have to read like a trashy novel? What’s the deal?

I never quite understood how sexy the Mac Book Pro could be until Iarrived here in Rio De Janeiro. After finding an Open Wi-Fi Connection in my hotel room I set up my home-office and left for a night on the town.

Sure enough, when we returned from our night out, that hot and sexy Aluminum case was waiting to give us the Full Apple Experience.

Mac Book Pro

Wasting no time, she beckoned us to Key Stroke and stroke and stroke. This Mac Book Pro Was Both incredibly FAST and EASY. It got me thinking, what could be better than Core2Duo?

2core2duo2

2Core2Duo2!!!!!

2 Mac Book Pro Core 2 Duos – Now I am the Quad-Father! muhahahahahaha

Next, it was time to plug in the Special “Mac Lover” USB Microphone with harmonious cosmic hum. Intel’s not the only thing inside of these sensuous beauties.

Mac Book Pro Microphone

Apple showed me how easily these two machines could interface as we heard what can only be described as a multiple Dual Corgasm:

Dual Corgasms

The ecstasy didn’t stop there. These sexy beasts wanted to boast their performance, connectivity, and Serviceability. They screamed for a bigger, Harder 500 GB Drive and would not settle for anything less than 30 Inches of LDC Love:

Mac Book Pro Performance

This orgy of performance and connectivity has certainly turned me into a Mac lover. I can honestly say that, now, I do indeed “Think Different”.

Halloween Link Bait Roundup

Hollidays are a special time of the year. Special, because they are another time to write targeted link bait. Geeky + holiday theme = links. Here’s a roundup of some stuff that hit it big for halloween:

Digg Halloween Costume

Ha.ckers Halloween pumpkin cutting contest

Halloween Laptop Mod

Girls’s Costume Warehouse

Working Transformer Costume

Do it yourself list for Halloween

HOWTO: Lego Minifig costume

How to Geekify Your Halloween

Will you be ready for thanksgiving with some kick ass link bait?

You should be.

3 Link Bait Lessons From a Master Baiter

Yesterday’s off-topic post of 250 movies made it to the digg / popular page and is right now climbing on the delicious / popular page (and more delicos would be nice – Hint. Hint.)

But was it REALLY off topic?

Today’s post will focus on why that post was successful and give you 3 helpful lessons to write better link bait.

The real story started something like this:

From the land of off topic posts, I present to you a list of the 250 Best Movies Made in the Last 30 years.

Why the last 30 years?

Well I’m creeping up on 30. Since I’ll be returning to the States in December for a few weeks, I want to get a 500 Gig Hard Disk full of movies I enjoy for my return trip to Brazil. One of the things I miss about being down here is not having access to movies.

So I started researching which films I’ve enjoyed and every time I see these “Best Film Lists” they always include the same stuff from the 40s, 50s, 60s and early to mid 70s.

My younger brother owes me about $1500 and he agreed to try to round up and rip all the movies on the list to work off some of what he owes me. I just put in the order for the 500 GB external hard drive and a new Mac Book Pro. Plus, I’m sure if I post a list like this I’ll get some great feed back on the movies I missed.

I took a look at the post as written and realized it was shit. Why should you (my readers) give a rats ass about me? The focus needed to change from ME to YOU for you to be interested. That’s when the idea for the first Hook came in:

Wouldn’t it be great if you had a 500 Gig Hard Drive full of all the best movies ever made?

By changing the focus from ME and my life to YOU and your life the post becomes 100 fold more engaging. Suddenly, we’re working on hooking you up and fulfilling your dream, rather than blabbing on and on about my life.

Link Bait Lesson 1: Good link bait focuses on the Reader not the Author.

Now, if you recall from the ten ways to make the front page of digg:

9. Insult as many groups as you can. Flamewars are popular for a reason. Throw out bombs that dare people to comment on your story.

I didn’t have to just omit the classics – I had to shit on them! That way, someone is bound to get pissed off and throw out flames. I had to say that MY list was the best and that if you like old movies, you suck. So the intro evolved to:

Who wants to see that old crap?

Link Bait Lesson 2: Controversy will incite passion. Passion drives links.

Then to pepper things up, I remembered that everyone hates the RIAA. Since the post was not likely to get many DVD sales if it didn’t get links, Dugg, or Delicoed anyway, the best rout was to not bother with those Amazon links (less work, less spammy) and say the reason was so that we can stick it to the RIAA!

but I’d rather you go download or Rent & Rip them just to piss off the RIAA

Manipulative? Sure a little. But that’s what link bait is. You have to think of these things so your stories have hooks to draw people in.

Link Bait Lesson 3: If you can pile on to a quasi-political cause that has widespread acceptance, it will drive support and fanfare.

But Quads – who is the master baiter?

I am. Master Baiting is what I was born to do. 😉

How A Headline Can be Link Bait for Bloggers who Love Viral Marketing

10 Steps to Guarantee You Make the Digg Front Page

As I sit here writing on the world’s greatest personal computer (The Mac Pro Quad Xeon 64-bit workstation with dual 30 inch monitors):

Dual 30 inch Mac

I can’t help but pity you Wal-Mart shoppers who still use software from the Antichrist (Microsoft) and can’t figure out how to get on the front page of Digg (Idiots!).

So, I did some statistical analysis, using my Open Office Firefox plugin, of all the stories that made the front page of Digg in the past year and have come up with:

The 10 Steps to Guarantee You Make the Digg Front Page

Hopefully, you will be able to use them before we all die because of global warming next year . . .

1. Make A List or Tutorial Headline. Your Headline should make it seem like the reader’s online success is just a 5 minute read away. Remember, the average digger has the attention span of a gnat on crack. Diggers want the fast, easy answer that will solve all their problems. Your headline must appeal to people with severe ADD or most people won’t even read your article – let alone Digg it.

*In the past year, a “top 10” or “top 100” list has made the front page on average once every other day.

2. Write about Digg. Could a site be any more narcissistic? I think not. Digg likes itself so much that Paris Hilton looks about as humble as a Nun by comparison. People must be sitting at their computers going “OMG Look it’s a story about Digg! That’s sooooooo cool! I’ll totally digg that!” Bonus points if you mention Kevin Rose.

* In the past year, stories with “Digg” in the submission have made the front page a whopping 554 times and mentioned Kevin Rose by name an average of once a week.

3. Appeal to the Apple fanboys. Did you hear from someone who knows someone who served a Cream Chai Latte to Steve Jobs about some Mac Rumor? Well that’s front page Digg Material all the way! Don’t know why, but if Apple lets out a fart, diggers can’t wait to comment on the rosy smell.

* Stories with “Apple” in the Submission have made the front page a mind blowing 1225 times in the past year.

4. Doom and Gloom about how Global Warming will destroy us all. Who cares if we only have real data that covers about 1/20,000,000 of the earth’s history? (unless you’re a creationist, then it’s like 1/40th). So what if there is nothing but anecdotal evidence to support almost every claim? Does it matter that world’s best meteorologists can’t even tell me if it’s going to rain tomorrow?

No!

Diggers don’t really like to DO anything about global warming, but feel guilty about it despite a lack of conclusive evidence. In that sense, I guess it’s kinda like “Religion 2.0”. Diggers will Digg Global warming Doom and Gloom stories so they can “feel” like they “did something” to “help mankind.” All while consuming more electricity, more oil and more natural resources than the 80% of the world’s population that doesn’t even have a computer.

* A junk science, doom and Gloom story about Global Warming will make the front page of Digg on average of once a week.

5. Write about how great Firefox is. When it comes to Firefox, no story is too lame, no plugin is too useless and no article can praise Firefox too much for the front page of Digg. Sure, it’s just a freaking browser. Sure, it leaks memory faster than . . . umm . . . some kind of leaky thing leaking much faster than usual. Sure no one really needs YAFFFP – but who cares?!?

* In the past year, a firefox story has made the front page on average once every day.

6. Remember: Walmart, George Bush, and Fox News have NEVER done ANYTHING right. Everything they do is because they are 100% evil to the core. This REAL Axis of Evil delights in the clear-cutting of forests just for shits and giggles, the sadistic torture of children, and is right now plotting the Next 9/11 attack on America. Here’s a link to a Jon Stewart Video that proves it’s all true!

* * actually, I’m not a fan of George Bush; but his coverage on Digg is more rigged than a Diebold voting machine. Maybe he should ask for a Digg recount?

7. Repeat after me: “Microsoft sucks, Microsoft Sucks, Microsoft Sucks.” So what if 97% of all computer users use their products? Ignore that they’ve been the most consistent winner for the last 25 years in a space littered with failures. Who cares if their founder has given more to charity than any human in the history of mankind? They suck! And they are evil! Why? Because it’s cool to say so.

Don’t believe me? Check out this screenshot of the most recent Digg front page Microsoft Stories. I was going to parody it up, but there’s no need!

* 94% of the front page articles that mentioned Microsoft in the past year cast the company in a negative light.

8. Make up outrageous statistics that you have not researched. State your opinions as fact. Sure, they might get vetted by some geek who has nothing better to do, but that probably won’t happen until you’ve already made the front page.

9. Insult as many groups as you can. Flamewars are popular for a reason. Throw out bombs that dare people to comment on your story. If you haven’t pissed off half your readers by the end of your article, it’s probably because you don’t have the balls or you’re too stupid to figure out how.

10. Include the word’s slowest loading Plugin so people can Digg your Story without leaving your site. If you manage to type 1000 words, there’s at least a chance that it will finish loading before the reader has finished reading your article. Then if you’re lucky, about 5% of your lazy-ass readers might actually click the button to digg your story:

$500 Demise of Craiglist Prankster Jason Fortuny Contest

By now you are aware of Seattle Washington’s Jason Fortuny evil sexbaiting stunt. It’s been everywhere including Slashdot, Wired and will soon be in all the major newspapers.

In my opinion, Jason Fortuny’s future looks rather bleak. But who can guess when and in what way Karma will decide to deliver her ass-whoppin’?

Well, since he wanted to have some fun at the expense of others, I figure you should get to have some fun at his expense.

So, if you can accurately predict Jason Fortuny’s demise, you can win our “$500 Demise of Craiglist Prankster Jason Fortuny Contest.”

Here are the 3 possibilities we will include in the contest:

1. Criminal Indictment against Jason Fortuny

MrTurner at Threadwatch pointed out that what Jason did is a 2257 violation:

But the biggest issue he could fall into is the fact that posting nude images online without proper 2257 documentation is illegal. You can’t post nude images online in the US without proof that the individual is 18 years of age or older. A single offense could be a fine of $25,000 and up to 5 years in jail.

So there is certainly a chance for a federal indictment. Choice one is for a criminal Indictment of Jason Fortuny stemming from his publicity stunt (not a conviction).

2. Civil Damages awarded against Jason Fortuny
It is also likely that he would lose in civil court for either Intention Inflictional of emotional distress, copyright violations, or public disclosure of private facts. Choice two is for a court or Jury to award civil monetary damages exceeding $100k. This seems the most likely, but it may take the longest to come about.

3. Physical Harm or Death to Jason Fortuny
There is also the chance that one his victims will inflict enough violence on him to either put him in the hospital or the morgue. I am not endorsing this type of action, but it seems a possibility given his high profile, the availability of his contact information, the personality type of the people he screwed over and proximity to his more than 170 victims.

*You may not win this contest if you are one of the victims and you perform the violence (sorry, liability and all). Nor can you incite the violence to try to win the contest, it has to just happen naturally.

So put on your Nostradamus hats, whip out your crystal balls, or just take a wild guess!

Entries should be in this form in the comment section (one entry per person):

[Choice], [date], and [some comment mentioning Jason Fortuny]

If more than one person picks the winning choice and date, the $500 prize will be split. If no one picks the right date / choice combination, no prize will be awarded. First qualifying event ends the contest. If nothing happens to him – everybody loses.

Sexbaiting

Sexbaiting: Sexbaiting is creating (usually) fake, (usually) female, profiles or characters on websites that are used to lure men into spending money on the false pretense that they have a chance of having sex with that character. Sexbait examples include many Myspace profiles, personal ads, and sex dating site profiles.

In and of itself, sexbaitig comes real close to crossing an ethical line. However, one could argue that with sexbaitng what you are selling is a fantasy, and people enjoy buying into fantasies even if they are set up under false pretenses. Plus, no one is really getting hurt. In the case of a dating site, for example, the “victim” may still have a chance to have sex with someone through the service. Or in the case of a fake female Icon, they still have the fantasy.

However, waxy has a story of one guy taking it to the next level and actually damaging people’s lives:

On Monday, a Seattle web developer named Jason Fortuny started his own Craigslist experiment. The goal: “Posing as a submissive woman looking for an aggressive dom, how many responses can we get in 24 hours?”

He took the text and photo from a sexually explicit ad (warning: not safe for work) in another area, reposted it to Craigslist Seattle, and waited for the responses to roll in. Like Simon’s experiment, the response was immediate. He wrote, “178 responses, with 145 photos of men in various states of undress. Responses include full e-mail addresses (both personal and business addresses), names, and in some cases IM screen names and telephone numbers.”

In a staggering move, he then published every single response, unedited and uncensored, with all photos and personal information to Encyclopedia Dramatica (kinda like Wikipedia for web fads and Internet drama). Read the responses (warning: sexually explicit material).

See, that’s just not cool. For something to qualify as “Public disclosure of private facts”:

The disclosure must be public. The facts must be private. The plaintiff must be identified. The publication must be “highly offensive.” And there must be an “absence of legitimate concern to the public” with respect to the publication.

So, that’s pretty much verbatim what Jason Fortuny did. My crystal ball says this guy will get sued and he will lose; that is, of course, if one of the people whose life he just ruined does not kill him first.

Conclusion: Sexbaiting is certainly a grey area of morality that can be argued either way. Ruining people’s lives by violating their privacy is not.