SEO Black Hat: SEO Blog and Private Forum

Tomorrow I’m headed to the Fat Boy Slim Concert at Hyde Park in London.

Sunday, I’d like to go to the Wimbledon Mens Finals. If you’ve always wanted to meet me and happen to have extra tickets, now’s your chance.

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Google’s Homepage Now Links to Privacy Policy.

Why? It’s not like someone is raping them on some bull shit Quality Score factor. . .

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Thanks Google, that is exactly what i meant.

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The whole letter is worth a read, here’s an excerpt:

As for the Google deal, HOORRAY! Now, you might be thinking that we employees - particularly those in Search - who have spent most of our waking hours trying to do battle with Google might in some way be disappointed that we are now getting into bed with the enemy. Au contraire! We love it! Nothing indicates a job well done better than outsourcing your own job to the competition. Am I right, or am I right? After all, it is not as if we had sold the entire search team to another company for a premium price - that would have been a slap in the face! By contrast, outsourcing as much of the search business to Google as legally allowed in exchange for near term cash, that is much more re-assuring. It tells us all that we are truly valued.

 

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At the Edinburgh SEO Class, I was asked “what makes you a successful seo black hat?”

I responded something like:

“There was this passage in the Guns of August about a French General’s famous aphorism ‘What is the essence of the Problem?’ I think that quote applies to winning both on the battlefield and online.

It’s that problem solving nature that keeps us excited, keeps the game evolving, and keeps the winners at the top.”

Going back to the recalled passage, I noticed that 2 other critical elements to battlefield success translate almost 100 years later to online success. Here’s Passage from the The Guns of August (emphasis mine):

“General Ferdinand Foch was the molder of French military the­ory of his time. Foch’s mind, like a heart, contained two valves: one pumped spirit into strategy; the other circulated common sense. On the one hand Foch preached a mystique of will expressed in his famous aphorisms, “The will to conquer is the first condition of victory,” or more succinctly, “Victoire c’est la volonte,” and, “A battle won is a battle in which one will not confess oneself beaten.”

In practice this was to become the famous order at the Marne to attack when the situation called for retreat. His officers of those days remember him bellowing, “Attack! Attack!” with furious, sweeping gestures while he dashed about in short rushes as if charged by an electric battery. Why, he was later asked, did he advance at the Marne when he was technically beaten? “Why? I don’t know. Because of my men, because I had a will. And then—God was there.”

Though a profound student of Clausewitz, Foch did not, like Clause-witz’s German successors, believe in a foolproof schedule of battle worked out in advance. Rather he taught the necessity of perpetual adaptability and improvisation to fit circumstances. “Regulations,” he would say, “are all very well for drill but in the hour of danger they are no more use…. You have to learn to think.” To think meant to give room for freedom of initiative, for the imponderable to win over the material, for will to demon­strate its power over circumstance.

But the idea that morale alone could conquer, Foch warned, was an “infantile notion.” From his flights of metaphysics he would descend at once, in his lectures and his prewar books Les Principes de la Guerre and La Conduite de la Guerre, to the earth of tactics, the placing of advance guards, the necessity of surete, or protection, the elements of firepower, the need for obedience and discipline. The realistic half of his teaching was summed up in another aphorism he made familiar during the war, “De quoi s’agit-il?” (What is the essence of the problem?)

 

The main takeaway are - to win in battle and online:

1. You need the will to conquer. Without that underlying will to succeed, you’re going to lose to those of greater will.

2. You have to learn to think.

3. You need to define “What is the essence of the problem”. Then, of course, you just solve the problem.

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Class has just wrapped up in Edinburgh and I’m fairly confident that everyone there felt it was worthwhile. Nice work Jim!

I’ll probably head to Ireland on Thursday after exploring the city here a little bit.

p.s. Chris Anderson’s The End of Theory: The Data Deluge Makes the Scientific Method Obsolete is a fantastic read.

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Don’t you love it when you go to an e-store to buy some shit, go to check out and read something like this:

“This box is for coupon codes only. For Gift Certificates and VIP codes, proceed to the next page.”

?

And you’re like “But . . . I . . . don’t . . . have a coupon code.”

Had they not asked for one, you wouldn’t know or even give a shit that there are coupon codes. Who the fuck cares about the price anyway? But now that they’re asking for it, it’s like you know you’re getting fucked cuz you don’t have one!

It’s not the $5 you might be able to save, it’s that you know that by pressing that button you are surrendering. Giving up! You are saying “charge me more than the next guy - I’m a fucking tool.”

So instead of buying that thing you wanted, you stop and think about it - “Gee, I guess maybe this is a little over priced. Maybe i should Google for a coupon code. Yea - that’s the ticket!”

So you Google “[brand] Coupon code” and find 2 expired codes that no longer work.

OGAWDAMNIT WTF?!?

Now you’ve waisted 15 mins trying to save $5 on a $50 order so now you know you’re just totally waisting your fucking time. You could give a rats ass about the actual price. If the shit was $100 you probably would have just bought it if they didn’t ask for that motherfucking coupon code that you don’t have!

You’re uber-competitive and paying more than the next guy is paramount to losing. You don’t want to admit defeat. You don’t want to be GETTINGFUCKED. So you figure “You know what, lemme just leave that shit in the shopping cart and check my email, then maybe I’ll come back to this problem later.”

And you never end up buying the junk.

You know what I’m talkin about - right?

. . . or is that just me and I’m totally fucking crazy?

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There is some seriously funny shit on Amazon.

Exhibit A:

Big Daddy’s Girl Hooker Prostitute Sexy Luxurious Crushed Velvet with Leopard Trim Costume Adult Teen Fits Size 2-8

The accompanying review is sweet too (hat tip):

Finally!
“Big Daddy’s Girl”, “Hooker”, “Prostitute”, “Sexy”, “Luxurious” and “Leopard Trim” are all words that my twelve year old daughter has been striving to represent since those days when she realized she was old enough to stop playing with Bratz and finally be one (which was actually just a couple of days ago, come to think of it). I was going to go with an outfit that was just called “Hot Stripper Costume for Your Little Girl”, but this one has so many more descriptive words. What’s not to like?

It seems like kids are growing up and becoming indentured sex workers so fast these days **tear**, well, at least all seven of mine have.

 

I want more funny Amazon shit like the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz Reviews (several of them are really good)

No gift wrapping

There are few gifts I like to recieve more than milk. Whole milk too. That’s the kind of milk that says that it’s real. It’s right. It’s whole. I want that milk to sit there for years because that’s what you do with milk. There’s nothing better than milk - well except maybe radishes.

 

or this review from Mister Quickly

Something I’d like to ‘chair with you
First of all, I tried the exercise “The Invisible Chair” and all I can say about it is that I no longer use “visible chairs.” At the home, out in the yard, at the cafe, it doesn’t matter where. At the bus stop I look at the other bus patrons with a smirk. I seem as though I’m about to sit on the bench — and then right next to the bench — I neatly fold myself and do the invisible chair exercise, reading my magazine, self-satisfied.

However, I’ve come across a problem. The authors do nothing to explain how I might cross my legs and lean back, all casual.

Also, I haven’t tried the diet yet.

 

The Contest Rules

Comment with the funniest thing you can find on amazon.com. I don’t care if its a review, a product, or whatever – as long as it’s on amazon.com and hilarious. Quote and/or describe the relevant humor. and link submit a link.

Winner gets . . . i donno; something cool (maybe cash, maybe something better – we’ll see.).

Enter as often as you like.

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There are famous patriotic quotes on my new passport page supplement; those are the extra pages the consulate can add to your passport when you run out of places to stamp visas.

This one had an nice entrepreneurial l twang to it:

“It seems to be a law of nature, inflexible and inexorable, that those who will not risk cannot win” - John Paul Jones

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“What’s Ios?” I asked.

“It’s a Party Island; you should come with us - you’ll love it!” replied the perky Australian; one of the group of five 20-year old girls on the boat from from Mykonos to Santorini (Greek islands). “It’s the Next stop.”

It would be a crime, I thought, not to at least stop by Ios for a day continuing my Greek Island hopping – right?

. . . now more than two weeks later I’m finally getting off the island of Ios. If I stayed any longer, I’d likely suffer long term liver damage. Days at the beach, by the pool, sipping drinks: nights that start at 11:00 and bars / clubs that don’t stop until six in the morning. It’s a rough life, but someone has to do it - might as well be me.

Now I’m about to get on a high speed boat back to Athens where I’ll spend the night before jumping on a plane to in Munich. Then Sunday to Edinburgh.

I never made it to Santorini – but I ain’t complaining.

Life is Amazing. Make sure you’re taking the time to appreciate enjoy it.

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